Learning's of connecting back to old friends!!

Internet with its social networking sites provides ample opportunity to connect back to people whom otherwise we would have never imagined to get in touch. In a world without internet (example that of my parents)there might have been situations where school or college friends may physically meet in a shop or movie hall but not recognize each other as age metamorphism will be difficult to imagine.
However it is important to recognize that less than 1/100th of people moved so much across the globe or even within countries and the need to network through virtual world did not exist. For sure the boon of Internet is the ability to get back in touch with friends who otherwise would be just in faint memories.
Coming back to the learning's of connecting back...I do think the most important of all learning is to take it slow. The usual informality which existed in School or college days is not to be taken for granted at middle age or beyond. Sure it comes back but the time to accept this transition is different for different people. There are some people who take this to an extreme when they address people who are a little more successful or lucky as "Sir or Madam"...this is lack of self confidence. You should not go to the limit of calling the pet names or some specific habit the person had while young making the other person uncomfortable but building a distance by calling him/her Sir or Madam is also not a good starting point.
There are several ways one gets connected back-maybe through the social networking sites when someone guesses it should be you and calls to connect. This usually is quite sober interactive mode as it is one to one to begin with. There is a cascading effect to this that with enough quorum there is a need to build an Alumni Group.
This starts with a lot of zeal with friends getting friends and slowly building the network. There are some uncomfortable moments when the group tries to reinvent its current position with likes, what will tick, when things can be viewed seriously (in college days these were not even noticed), when to appreciate, when to wish etc.
This journey needs to be managed well. Usually the initial enthusiasm soon dies down with people taking to normal day to day affairs and not bothering to move further on the networking while some of them are very eager to pump emails/seek responses.
There is an important learning here-motivation of people who were together in their teens and led a carefree life competing with spirit (maybe partying with spirits too) evolve to be responsible parents with a cautious approach to everything in life including networking friends.This motivation difference is difficult to gauge and manage as most are spread out across the world and want to disclose as little as possible of what happened in the 20 years they were not in touch. A lot of them are apologetic but a lot more are wanting to stay aloof assuming friendship can be burden. (to be continued)

Introvert or Extrovert!!

Personality can be categorized into different ways and everyone is keen to know it from different angles as it is about themselves (who cares more about anything than self). One simple classification which one starts talking even in casual parties is Introvert/Extrovert. It is quite simple as the name indicates-a view if one is too much focussed on himself/herself or is a gregarious kind. I recently had a question from a friend who had less than 10 people networked in his LinkedIn compared to my more than 500-He said you are a real extrovert..so you make friends so easily. Again numbers don't indicate how much friends you have but with how many people you can truly share your feelings indicates this.
There is a lot of times as a matter of over simplicification Extroverts are made equal to be being more friendly than Introverts(like my friend above). It is the greatest myths that I want to discuss(I have more experience now as most Swedes will probably fit in the defintion as Introverts as per Global standards and I have been with them for more than 2 years now).
Let us go step by step into building of this myth:
1) Extroverts are able to start a conversation and smile their way into the hearts. They are very comfortable with strangers (more comfortable than with friends) and break the ice with ease. All this make them approachable and able to discuss on any topic as they strive to find a match...all are good signs of good friends. Right----Wrong I say. And why?
Extroverts are no doubt good at all the things mentioned above. But they are more floaters in most cases. They don't want to touch controversial issues or force decisions. In most cases they compromise to avoid uncomfortable situations. In other words they look at ploughing the field as wide as possible not as deep as possible. For an outsider it will look very impressive as the soil has been tilled at all places around the field. But is it good for the seeds to grow with roots set in firmly? Obviously not(for sure grass/weeds can grow better). Even if the field is tilled for a small area but deeper this when seeds get roots and grows healthy. Introverts are the ones who focus on fewer and smaller set of people but become genuinely attached to them. They cannot hide their emotions in their faces which is a strength rather than weakness. Therefore makings of a true friend is always in an introvert than an extrovert.
2) Introverts are uncomfortable in parties, get togethers and try to look for a corner to hide. Extroverts are loud and make the party memorable to all as they entertain themselves by entertaining others. This is indeed true. But party is not life. We can have party like pickle for food but can it be the food itself.
Therefore to feel extroverts are better than introverts itself is a feeling of depression which probably has been triggered by extroverts to make them feel one up against others. Introverts should feel proud about what they stand for and should live with what is most comfortable to them without getting distracted.
This does not mean that Introverts cannot be extroverts sometimes in life and vice versa. Actually I have always been comfortable being an Introvert the personality I was when I was till I joined college. Ragging does strange things to Teen age pride and it did bring in a change in me. I changed but try to retain the core of being introvert.
Therefore if anyone has debates on this topic let us be clear in our thinking. Live the life as we like it. Change only if you truly like the change. Else be what you are comfortable with as the world has enough possibilities to accomodate diversity.

Friendship, Attitude

Purity of love is reflected in several ways but the noblest is friendship. A mother/father or blood relations or wife loving someone is still has a logic. But friendship is much beyond these rational. While friendship evolves at different age in different ways a true friendship is selfless. Friends tolerate your success without a feeling of jealousy, don't point out your failures unless it is required and play different roles in different situations. To have a true friend is a blessing of God and not to see a true friend is a matter of attitude. Detached attachment will not get us true friends. Smile from your heart and have an antenae for feelings-this is the first attribute to build to have true friends